Grade A Prime WUSS

I took Mary to the dentist this morning for her poor toothache. And proceeded to WUSS out beyond belief.

We got there, they called her name, and she went back by herself. First act of wussiness--not going back with her to make sure I knew what was going on. In my (lame-ass) defense, I had the other two kids with me. I know they can sit quietly in a waiting room for a little while unsupervised, but it truly is hard for the mother duck to walk away from her ducklings--especially when there are other folks in the waiting room. Besides, I am a smart enough parent to know that my kids can handle hair cuts and dentists much, much better when I'm not hovering around. Anyway, I figured the dentist and his team would understand my duckling predicament and just come and see me after they checked out the offending tooth and tell me my options.

Well, no one came and got me, and I was kind of distracted keeping the other two some-what quiet and off the floor and from ripping pages out of magazines and out of other folk's hair, so I just dismissed it. I mean, John told me to just go ahead and get the tooth filled, so I decided to just let them do their thing and not pry my nose in. Wuss act #2.

Well.....when Mary was done (and she was a brave, little soul right up until she saw me in the waiting room and then just burst into tears), I actually had to ask, "Um, what did you do?" Oh! So the hygienist took me into another room and explained that they had to do a pulpectomy and that if the tooth gets infected, they will just have to remove the tooth and put in a spacer(!). Then she mentioned that they also filled the tooth next to it.

Wuss act #3: Here's where my brains/emotions got a bit scrambled. I got so hung-up on that "have to pull and put in a spacer" message for a while in my head and how upset I was that I didn't just have them DO that in the first place that nothing else really registered.

At first.

But then it started sinking in.

Wait. They performed this procedure on my kid, and DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME whether or not I wanted it.

WAIT! They ALSO filled the tooth next to it and DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME whether I wanted it!

I guess part of the problem is that Mary was so upset that I was kind of focusing in on her....and honestly not wanting to cause a scene. But THEN, the hygienist looks at my poor crying daughter and says sweetly, "So! No more candy and soda, right?" I instantly retorted, "Um, she hardly EVER has candy OR pop! I contribute this all to just poor, rotten luck!" And then I got all apologetic and make a feeble remark about how she DOES need to floss more often. (Somewhat wussy act #4--I retorted, but wussed out at the end.)

I got out of the wussy vapors just long enough to stop the receptionist while she was trying to make Mary an appointment for ANOTHER filling that they want to do. Then I paid and left. While seething.

My problem (or curse) is that I've always been the type of person to look at BOTH SIDES of an issue. Anytime someone says or does something, I don't always react, I chew on it for a bit and try to see where that person was coming from. The good part about all this is that I get along with most people. Even really emotional, tough-to-manage people I can usually be on friendly terms with. I've been in a few pretty hostile work arrangements and have managed pretty well--always the peacekeeper, always the middleman, and always the person others knew that they could "vent" to and I wouldn't gossip or necessarily hold it against them.

The problem is that I can be taken advantage of. This used to hurt quite badly when I was a kid. Now I'm smarter about seeing it coming and avoiding it. I may get used, but I wise up and get out of it quicker.

My rationalization (and wuss act #5) through this situation was that this dentist has been wanting to fill this tooth--and the others--for six months now. He already had a plan of attack built in the computer. SO when I finally called, the office assumed I was OK with what we tentatively discussed last winter, and just set it up and hit the "go" button.

SO, I only have MYSELF to blame if they did work I didn't necessarily want performed. I should have followed dear Mary to the back and TOLD THEM my expectations and INSISTED that they tell me if other issues were at stake (like the baby tooth NEXT TO the offending tooth). Can I honestly call and harass those nice office people (cause they really are all nice folks--well, except for the stupid "candy/soda" comment--and I really contribute that to stupidity and her not thinking before she spoke), when *I* was the one who dropped the ball here?

John says maybe it's time we switch dentists, but I don't think so. They all seem to be about the same to me. And despite my rage at this hygienist pushing me into doing a procedure that I didn't think necessary, I know that this dentist has been honest with me before. I've had cavities that he did not fill and just "kept an eye on." If he was that much of a blood-sucker, he would have insisted on filling them anyway (and guess what, at least one of those teeth never got filled, because my tooth actually did get better).

So, in my wussy, rationalizing ways, I'm willing to give the guy another chance (besides I didn't even talk to him today--just the hygienist). But I think that maybe when I go in for Mary's cleaning next week, I just may go back there (three kids and all) and mention that from now on, whoever does work on my kids needs to discuss it and GET PERMISSION from me before they do it.

Let's hope I don't wuss out.