All you mothers know what I'm talking about here. It's the phenomenon where you've just come off a quasi-vegetarian diet, so you decide to actually fix chicken for dinner for the first time in well over a year. Forgetting the conspiracy, you nonchalantly open the package of chicken breasts, take 'em out, put them on the cutting board, and get your hands all over their sliminess while cutting off all the gnarblys (as co-worker calls them), and paring them into more manageable, kid-friendly pieces. Suddenly, elbow deep in salmonella and other funky bacteria juices, you hear the call/scream from the other room. ONE of the children has just gone poopy and needs you to wipe, or he/she ran around the corner WITH SCISSORS, banged into the armoire, and has an open, gushing wound OR more simply, your hair tie falls out and suddenly all your hair falls in front of your face--you can't pull it back due to the sliminess, but you can't leave it DOWN, either, 'cause then you're getting HAIR in your dinner!!!!
AUGH!!!!
The first event happened to me last night. I completely forgot about the conspiracy. And even worse, I KNEW the kid was on the potty. I kept checking and checking on her, but after no go for several minutes, I thought "Oh, I'll just start dinner while I'm waiting for her." Oh yeah. There's a REASON you don't want to start dinner until AFTER potty time. 'Cause Lord help you if you leave that kid sitting there for more than 15 seconds after they've gone. Not only does their butt get stuck in the butt insert, but then they start freaking out and might, just might, start viewing potty training as a scary, freaky event, stop doing it, and then not re-learn it again for another six months! It's a precarious time! You CAN'T screw it up!!
My friend Sybill had the second event happen to her. I completely forgot her words of foreboding and how she now wrangles every kid (she now has four) into one small circle and barks, "Whatever you do! Don't move! I'm touching the chicken now!"
Yes, I fell victim to the conspiracy again. But I remember now. I'll be more diligent now.
4 comments:
"Sybill" is the name Carrie has given to the personality that emerges when she's stressed.
Slimed you. Ah, poop! And in this case you would be right! While not having children, I have had episodes much like that, generally helping family ... knee-deep in mud and gore, hands and arms as slimy as an auto mechanic's and I get, "could you help me open this"?
This time, scissors in mind, you'll be prepared or you can grumble an, "I told me so".
two words...
CHICKEN NUGGETS
You don't have to worry about being slimed and the kids will probably like them more anyway. And so much easier unless you are trying to be Julia Child like Jen.
Sybill... makes me laugh..Fawlty towers rocks... snickr. And I can see carrie like that character, keeping her composure while John freaks out..
I completely forgot while typing this that I was going to leave out the name of my friend. Now, I was expecting a comment like MR's (but, oh God WHY would I create an alter ego with FOUR kids and therefore even MORE stressed out than I?), but I also completely forgot John Cleese's wife name was Sybil in Fawlty Towers. Funny!
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