Just Don't

If you're mid-way through your 25 minute commute home, and the recently-potty-trained two-year old bellows out that she needs to go potty and then the five-year old also chimes in that HE needs to go potty, JUST DON'T think of the condition of the toddler's car seat and stop at the first place you see, which ends up being a Krispy Kreme donuts. Just don't. Even if the "hot now" sign is not lit. Just don't. Even if you don't particularly care for donuts (and in fact are teased a bit at work about it). Just don't.

And if the three children that you so adore start acting like complete goofballs in the restroom, making you freak out that their screams (of joy--and even one of frustration) will be echoed throughout the dining room JUST DON'T yell back. Because now YOUR louder voice is echoing too, making you sound like the stressed-out parent of the week (which you truly are, but you just don't want to publicize it to the world!).

And then when all have pottied, washed and dried their hands JUST DON'T think that letting them watch the donuts go down the conveyor belt for "just a minute" will somehow make up for your loud, panic-stricken outburst in the restroom. JUST DON'T. 'Cause now all those ooey, gooey donuts are flipping, frying, and GLAZING right in front of your children's very eyes, and the begging shall commence! And when the nice girl behind the counter offers all three kids PLUS YOURSELF a free freakin' donut JUST DON'T take it! Even if you don't like donuts--even if you think they're just too sickly sweet and not worth the lack of anything resembling good nutrition for the two seconds of sweetness WHO ON EARTH COULD RESIST a freakin' "hot now" donut that just simply melts in your mouth? And then WHO CAN RESIST the begging of the children? WHO????

And then when you cave and buy a dozen delectable donuts, JUST DON'T decide to be economical and make all four of you share one bottled water (since you're all dying of thirst after eating your sample donut). The crying and screaming that ensue (some from yourself) aren't worth the money you saved.

JUST DON'T let your kids have that sugar rush. As your own patience after the whole incredibly harassing ordeal is now GONE--and you're own blood is rushing after the glazed insulin injection you just received. JUST DON'T listen to the crying and whining of the five-year old and the giggling and taunting of the seven-year old as she mercilessly picks on him and drives your nerves to the FREAKIN' MOON. Because the more you yell, while driving in rush hour with jangling nerves, the louder you get, and the less you pay attention to the road, and then the more you panic you'll have yet another freakin' wreck which makes you yell at the kids to KNOCK IT OFF even more and turns your sugar rush into the Calgon-take-me-away headache of the week which will last the rest of the freakin' night.

And just try to keep in mind that binging on a half dozen donuts will NOT make it all go away....