I am the one who goes through back flips to keep everyone happy. I am the one who will attempt to see both sides of the story--to give both sides a fair hearing.
I am the one who gets TRODDEN ON by the others.
I often have waspish emails/comments that I start in my head, or actually start to TYPE OUT! But I don't send them. I realize that sometimes folks do or say selfish things because they don't know the FULL STORY. And even when I think/write my diatribe to EXPLAIN things, I realize that perhaps in trying to explain the situation, I'm OVER-explaining it, and perhaps it will leave room for MORE misinterpretations and just general bad feelings. I don't like bad feelings.
So I keep my mouth shut. I don't hit send. I play the argument out in my head. I realize that I can't please all the people all the time.
The anger may simmer for a few hours. But then it's gone. Mostly.
Sometimes I wish I could be that person. That selfish person who throws out exactly what they feel and don't care who they hurt because, "That's the way I feel, and I'm NOT hiding it!" I am envious of their ability to throw their opinions out there and not fear the repercussions. But: I'm not. I don't like those people. Those hurtful, unthinking people. I guess I'll just continue being nice and kind and thoughtful and a TEAM PLAYER for crying out loud!
And continue to get hurt by those tongue lashers.
Ah well. I get over it quickly enough.
2 comments:
You sound like me. I am always so jealous of people who can actually have full-blown fights with their spouse, door slamming and yelling and furious accusations. With us it's more like tiptoing and sulking and terse little comments until someone MAYBE breaks down and says what they're really thinking. Then there might be some raised voices. But it almost never even gets to that, it just blows over without getting fully explored. On the other hand, no one says horrible things they have to regret.
And don't even think of speaking angry rash things to relatives! Never. I will suck it up for a long time and endure a lot of irritation rather than pick fights, or get involved in them by taking sides. But somehow you still always get blamed for something, don't you?
YES! EXACTLY! It's so tiring! And unfair!
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