Growing Up

Mary is almost ten, and I find that while I get exasperated by her scowls and grumbles and sighs and laments (most usually expressed when I have the audacity to ask her to do her chores or her homework or practice her violin or brush her hair), I am also seeing this incredible young woman starting to emerge. She's so the oldest sibling--constantly bossing around her brother and sister to play the games she wants to play with HER rules and not much room for THEIR interpretation, but she can also be very sweet to them (um...when she's in the mood)--and she's almost motherly to Izzy sometimes.

Mary wants to come along to Izzy's Girl Scout meetings so that she can "help" (I have had to explain a little that "help" does not mean that she color pages with them--and then KEEP coloring and shutting the other girls and her mother's need for an assistant OUT when the meeting moves ON while she's still in her creative la-la land). But the point is, she's starting to take on the more adult roles--and not because her mother is forcing her to do it.

When I heaved out the pumpkins and started hollowing them out for a carve fest (determined to do it this year since last year the pumpkins got thrown on the front step and then completely forgotten about until John finally threw them away), she wanted to carve. My mother-persona said, "No." Then my Girl Scout leader-persona took over and said, "Why not?" So, I handed her the knife, and...wow--she did such a great job! And I realized once again that I still need to learn to let go of some "control" and let the kids learn in their own way.

I am trying. A few weeks back I decided to make an apple pie. I had Mary do all the measuring and mixing--and I didn't even hover over her shoulder.

Sunday night I called Mary upstairs to teach her how to make spaghetti (the simple "dinner-needs-to-be-ready-in-like-two-minutes" style of noodles and jar sauce). She grumbled a little at first (see: chores, homework, practice, hairbrush), but then she really started to enjoy it. I let her choose the veggie (salad). She even served the plates. And then she asked me at the dinner table, "Mom, can I help you cook every night?" YES. YES, YOU CAN! She was just so darn proud of herself for cooking a WHOLE meal!

And while I'm noticing all these wonderful things about Mary, I've noticed that Keith is trying to mature a little, too.

One weekend in an attempt to GET AWAY FROM CHATTERING IZZY while on the phone with my mother, I actually locked myself in KEITH's room (Well...John was asleep in OUR room!). And since I am the multi-task type of phone-talker (I've mentioned before that sometimes I will put a call through to my mother just because I know that then I have about an hour where I will get stuff DONE), I started picking up his room. Keith's room was just so cluttered! And while yes, perhaps HE should have been the one to clean it--WHATEVER, it got DONE, OK? Anyway, I even vacuumed after I got off the phone, and even Keith was amazed at the end product (and we found those two game cartridges that have been lost for EONS). And guess what? HE'S KEPT HIS ROOM NEAT SINCE THEN. I mean, it's not been perfect--sometimes a few pieces of clothing aren't in the laundry basket or there are a few scattered legos--but he has definitely made an EFFORT to keep the clutter under control. John and I have made it a point to tell him what a great job he's doing.

And Izzy. Well...while we still have those EVIL Izzy mornings every now and then, she is definitely having more GOOD Izzy mornings lately than EVIL. Weekends, of course, are the best, since then she gets to sleep in as late as she wants (and Mommy does NOT stir from her own bed until Izzy does--which means 8:00 and even sometimes 9:00 sleep-ins lately! Yay!). Last Sunday she got up and picked out her clothes and got dressed all by herself--then tip-toed in to show me. So was soooo excited and proud of herself! She also seems to do a better job of keeping her own stuff picked up in the room she and Mary shares than Mary does (yeah--we're still working on that with Mary...).

Last night I took ownership of my responsibility to be a role model--I cleaned the bedroom. It was a daunting task since my bedroom is the LAST room in the whole house (well, except for the basement, of course) that gets ANY attention. I put away clothes, took out trash, gathered up all the millions of empty shopping bags that I was for some strange reason accumulating under the bed and tossed them, finally finished putting away all the summer clothes, and even SWEPT--oh, dear Lord, the dust DINOSAURS!!! But the room is almost inviting now! And maybe, just maybe, I can keep up with my ever-growing/changing children and do a little growing up myself....