Grade A Prime DORK

Case #1:

Yesterday I went about my usual routine and got Mary out to the garage to wait for the bus in perfect time. Then I ran upstairs to get a cup of coffee. After the stirring of the French vanilla creamer, I ran down to peek out the door--and bumped into Mary in the den. "What are you doing in here?" "I had to go to the bathroom! I'm sorry, Mom, but I couldn't wait!" Grumbling about Mary's poorly-timed bathroom breaks, I glanced at the clock--and saw that Mary had most definitely missed her bus.

Normally, I stand with her in the cold garage or wait inside and open the door to peek every 30 seconds to make sure she gets her ride. I guess I thought my coffee-stirring break wouldn't take the four minutes that lasped, and I didn't hear the bus honk. No surprise there as I have learned that I usually DON'T hear it when I'm up in the kitchen. Sooo....I didn't think anything unusual about that. And what could I have done anyway since she was obviously in the john? "You can take the time to pull up your trousers on the bus! MOVE!" (Still can't believe I didn't hear her come in the door, though.)

So, we sat down and watched a bit of Curious George while we waited for the time I could drop her off. John was still home and in bed, so I woke him up, told him of the situation, and Mary and I headed over to the school.

Driving up to the school was like an ominous approach in a badly-filmed movie. As the school gradually came into view, I saw....NOTHING. No buses, no line of cars, no jam-packed parking lot. Just one little SUV. Oh God. There is no school today???!

I quickly racked my brains. NO, I'm SURE there is no holiday. They must have canceled due to the cold weather. And living here in Rotten-chester where snow and cold are just part of life, I didn't even think to check--I thought it was just another day.

So we went home, and I turned on the local news, and sure enough, school was canceled (and not just "delayed"). So...Mary got off all her things, and we enjoyed a nice day at home playing Wii. ;-)

Case #2:

John and I have cut out most of the meat out of our diet again. Not vegetarian, per se--just a "whittling down." Basically, we're taking meat away as the center-peice to our meals, and focusing more on the alternatives.

So, browsing about our vegetarian cookbooks, I found a good-sounding tofu dish I wanted to try (oxy-moron, I know--but give tofu a chance!). It called for a sesame marianade. Not in the mood to actually MAKE this marianade (this cookbook is RIDICULOUS in that the author seems to think we all have just oodles of time to create our five star vegetarian fare--all from scratch), I requested John look for a bottled version. I must say, Iron Chef brands really do save my butt sometimes. Anyway, the recipe called for "silken tofu." I'd never used that kind before, but whatever.

Let me just say now that you CANNOT POSSIBLY "SLICE" silken tofu, and this cookbook author is incredibly crazy for even suggesting it. My sliced silken tofu immediately turned into silken tofu MUSH. Trying to save our dinner, I gamely put the marinade in the mess, anyway. Oh God. Well....it wasn't really a dish for the kids, anyway. I'll just see if I can still "fry this up" for me and John. After plopping the whole bowl in the pan (you're supposed to strain the marianade from the tofu and "fry up" the slices--but how do you separate a chunky "main dish" liquid from a very thick--probably shouldn't have been used as a marianade--sauce? forget it!), and turning on the burner, I looked at my congealed plopped mush and thought, "Hmmm....take out?"

Yeah. I'll just have to start following the recipes for the marianades. And from now on, NO MORE SILKEN tofu. Even the hungriest beggar wouldn't have touched that regurgitated-looking stuff.

We ended up going out to eat.