Why Ranting Is Necessary

My husband is paranoid. Well, actually, that's kind of an understatement, but what I MEAN to say right NOW is that he's paranoid about his extremely talkative wife. And I'm not even talking about my tendency to blurt out really dumb/inappropriate/blonde things at all the most embarrassing moments (it's a sickness, and I apparently can't help myself!). I'm talking about his paranoia of what I say. to my friends. ABOUT HIM. when he's not around.

John doesn't like to be NOTICED (well, unless he's drinking, of course!). Why on earth he married (or was even ATTRACTED to) a loud, obnoxious woman is beyond me.

So anyway, John is under the impression that when chics get together, all they do is sit there and bash their husbands. And he's just plain FREAKING OUT about what I might say about HIM.

First off, we chics do NOT just bash our husbands when we get together. We may also rant about our bosses, our inconsiderate neighbors, some teacher who seems apparently clueless about the personality of our child, some inane policy at school or work, a friend-of-a-friend who also seems clueless, other friends who could not show up that night (heh!), our mothers/fathers, in-laws, sisters/brothers, obnoxious and unfair banking fees, the idiotic clerk at the store, our weight, and our depressing wardrobe--JUST TO NAME A FEW THINGS.

Um, but yes, our husbands may perhaps be in the *cough* top three spots (depending on what dumb-ass thing he may have done that day).... heh.

But here's what he just doesn't get. We NEED it. Read any article about women getting together over coffee, and it'll tell you. We really, truly NEED it. John does NOT want to hear all my inane verbalizations about every minute detail of every person and/or thing that is bugging me. Not to say that he doesn't listen when I DO choose him as the person to whom I spew--just that it DOES get old to him after a while, and I get that and don't really hold it against him. And I realize, as a some-what rational adult human being, that he does NOT need to be subjected to every tiny little thought about what bugs me about HIM--that, my friends, is called NAGGING. And I do my best NOT to be a nag (yes, I know there are days where I fail, but we're not all perfect, OK?),

So that stuff gets pushed back into the "Let-it-out-at-the-next-coffee-hour" vault and dumped open at that very next opportunity.

OK, finally onto "the benefit" of the rant. After I've spewed what's bugging me, I listen to what my other friends have on THEIR minds. And an interesting thing occurs. Stuff that seems SO ANNOYINGLY NIGHTMARISH to me before the purge, is suddenly NOT SO BAD. At least among the group of friends *I* got, we all seem to be pretty much complaining about the SAME things (Which makes me think--Whew! So it's a GUY thing, and I can just LET IT GO). Every now and then someone will come up with a doozy about THEIR guy which makes me think, "OK, so John can get annoying, but at least he doesn't do THAT." Which isn't to say that my friends' husbands are worse than mine. There is a certain level of "I'll put up with 'X'" that we've all got. And I'm pretty sure we are ALL walking away with that, "OK, so I really AM at the right level with the husband *I* picked," feeling. We're good. We're good.

It's a give-and-take purging session where all the annoying things in my life just simply BALANCE OUT, and I can go back to my husband, and when he asks me what-all terrible things I said about him, I can truly, honestly say, "Nothing."

Get over the paranoia, dear. No one's going to think any worse of you for the purging (which REALLY does NOT happen as often--or with as many gory details--as he seems to think). We're all too busy worrying about the housework, what to cook for dinner, the next load of laundry, whether or not the kids got their homework done, will Johnny need braces, WHEN is this kid going to stay dry through the night, where on EARTH did I put my glasses, is that sales price still worth purchasing that new skirt, what's for dinner, OH DEAR GOD, WHAT'S FOR DINNER!!! to give you or our friends' husbands' annoying habits any second thought.