The answer to Muffin Tops!

Go see MommyDaisy's review site to try to win the Hip-T.

Now, can someone make one of those out of swimsuit material so that I can wear my tankini a little more comfortably? (Or am I just too self-conscious about that?) (Would you tell me if you thought I was?) (Would you tell me if I WASN'T?) (What?)

Oh yeah!

I forgot! (So much stuff happened this weekend, that--just like my mother--I was BOUND to forget SOMETHING!)

Keith had a game on Saturday. Not only did he make another great play at first and tagged a kid out, but he also FINALLY got his FIRST HIT!!! I guess all that practice last weekend and then on Thursday actually helped!

THAT'S my boy!

Memorable Weekend

Mom and Barry made it in Friday just in time for Pizza-and-a-Movie night. (And gave me just enough time to finish picking up the clutter and vacuum while John went out and bough a brand new self-inflating mattress!). And since they have no kids around to keep up on all those kiddie movies, we subjected them to Izzy's favorite: Wall-E.

Saturday Barry and John worked out in the yard. Barry replanted his "twig"--a lilac bush that he helped us rescue and pot last year--into a spot in the front yard. I hope it takes! Mary and I planted some of her seedlings she had started--we'll see how many of the sunflower plants take. Then the neighbor gave her a bunch of plants from her yard, and now Mary's got her own little "plot" on the side of the house.

Mom wanted to go to the movies, so we all went out to see "Night at the Museum 2." Wow. Seven people can go through a LOT of popcorn! (Especially Izzy, who spent the whole movie going back and forth to mooch off each person--I doubt she caught much of the movie.) A quick trip to a drive-thru, dinner, and bedtime! John and I stayed up late to watch "Valkyrie."

Sunday Mom and I went to the grocery store and stocked up on goodies to have a picnic at the park. We drove up to the Beach and let the kids dabble their feet in the water then grilled burgers and reds. And except for our forgetting our grilling implements (which, thank goodness, Mom remembered as we were driving by another store) and then Izzy's almost-didn't-make-it trip to the potty and then lazy me not putting on the sunscreen causing Mary to get a slight RASH with her sunburnt arms (sorry, honey!), it was a great day.

Sunday night I made spaghetti. The kids were forced into the tub (GRUBBY!). The adults stayed up late watching "Wallander" and a Queen concert.

Too soon Monday morning Grandma and Grandpa Barry made their way back onto the highway. And, as USUAL they forgot something. We can now add a pair of my mother's glasses (which fell out of her purse and were on the floor of the mini-van) to their notorious left-behind list: shoes, laptop, high dollar face cream....

Memorial Weekend Bop

My mother is coming! My mother is coming! And the house, albeit cleaner than normal with the drastic The-sitter-is-coming! cleaning of last week is sorely in need of a touch up. You see, Mom kept going back and forth on whether or not to come here or go to OKC to visit her sister, so I took her indecisiveness as an excuse to continue my lazy habits and NOT get the house ready. She called me at 6:30 last night to tell me they were driving here TODAY. And should be here by the time I get off work. Hmmm...gee...well, guess they're sleeping on a mattress on the floor again. And, hey, a little dust/clutter never hurt anyone, right???

John is off today. He and a neighbor took turns this week watching Izzy while the daycare provider was on vacation. I hope he finds time in-between listening to our ever-chatting daughter to pick up the den and run the vacuum before Mom rolls in around 5:30.

What a Nice Day

It's gorgeous and in the 80s, and I spent my lunch hour lazing along the highway to run some errands in another suburb. On my way out from one errand onto another, I saw a woman in the parking lot across the road buckling a load of kids into her mini-van. Hey! I know those kids! It was my good friend S. whom I haven't seen since...hmmm...gosh--I think it's been a YEAR! Wow.... What a nice surprise!

I come back to work (in no hurry, too gorgeous and the errands too many and too far away, and so I was a few minutes late) to find out that another co-worker has made themselves scarce. *sigh* There goes the nice day.

Keeping a positive attitude has never been harder than these last few months.

Another busy weekend at the Q household. Saturday each kid had a game. It was hot and humid with scattered showers (we got hit with a huge downpour at the last inning of each game!). Exhausting.

After the games, we headed home and took a quick nap and then feverishly cleaned the house for the baby sitter. That's right--John and I had a DATE. I know! But I was determined to see the new Star Trek movie. Last weekend we had too much stuff going on, so I made it a point to schedule the sitter for this Saturday night. A friend of mine and her husband (who works with John, ironically) were also planning on going, so we ended up all going together. Awesome movie. I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I'm glad I paid the big bucks for the tickets and sitter so that we could go!

After the movie, the four of us headed to a little local bar for a quick drink, then John and I relieved the babysitter around 11:30. (Mary picked on poor Keith all night. Izzy whined and cried when she had to go to bed. Otherwise, they were good and had fun.)

Sunday I did more and more laundry. Since the house was mostly clean from the "purge" the day before, the chore chart was kind of moot, so the kids kind of got it easy. Mary went to a friend's house to play. John took Keith to the park to hit some balls (we're hoping more practice will help him not be so intimidated with that pitching machine!). After Izzy's nap, I took her shopping (looking for new shorts--didn't find any!) and to the grocery store.

Another enjoyable weekend. I am seriously looking forward to the longer weekend coming up ahead!

Improvements

Mary caught a line drive last night and almost caught two more--and also almost caught one from the left-fielder to make an out at third. (She was seeing a LOT of action there on third base--which she now claims is her FAVORITE position.)

Keith tagged out a kid at first. I just barely caught/missed it. I was dragging Izzy back from the playground to try to get a better view of Keith playing first base. Just as I was walking behind the dugout, I saw the hitter hit the ball, saw the ball head to first and then I RAN around the corner of the blind-spot dugout just in time to hear/see the ump/father call "OUT!" Awesome.

Keith also managed to foul on one pitch. PROGRESS! It's the first time he's made contact with the ball so far this season!

Good games last night. Too bad they were at the same time at opposite ends of the ball fields so that both John and I couldn't enjoy both. He took Mary's game; I was at Keith's. Lots of texting back and forth last night. "She caught a line drive!" "He got a kid out on frst!" Ahhh...Parenting in the information age....

Only thing you can do is laugh

Forgot to mention that we adults forgot to go to the ATM before going to the Lilac Festival on Sunday (Gah! We do that EVERY year!). As a result, we had EXACTLY enough money to park and buy 4 corn dogs, 1 hamburger, and 2 drinks. Izzy apparently did not hear the discussion whilst eating that we were NOT going to ride the hokey rides this visit 'cause Mom and Dad are LOSERS and lack organization skills. And I'm not sure if it would have mattered to a 4-year old, anyway.

As we started walking out of the park, Izzy started throwing a (fake) fit when we walked past the bounce house. John and I tried to give her reassuring words as we kept walking to the mini-van that we WILL come back to spend tons of money on a 20-second jumping spree in the bounce house later this week. She kept balling and at one point yells out, "I HATE you when you won't let me ride rides!" The couple strolling just ahead of us turned and gave us SUCH a shocked look. I just couldn't help it--I started cracking up! And I was having such an issue controlling it (I mean--seriously! That's MY kid being a BRAT!) that my shoulders shook, and I got tears in my eyes. The couple just had to laugh, too.

I apologize in advance to Izzy's teachers. Forgive me for the spoiling of my child--and then LAUGHING about it! You are soooo doomed. And I take full responsibility for my actions.

Lovely

Friday night I got to go out with one of my best friends. And we realized once again just how OLD we are. After closing the Mexican restaurant, we decided to go out to a new coffee shop. We knew it was built on a college campus and did NOT feel any kind of pressure about the fact that we were going to be in a coffee shop full of co-eds. Until we discovered--it was actually a BAR. Packed FULL of kids and their bong beers with a band setting up. I looked at my friend, and I said, "You know, if we want to sit and CHAT, this really isn't the place." The fact that we had to pay a cover and only had $1 in cash between the two of us decided it. BACK to the old coffee shop! We had cheesecake and white mochas and nice conversation until way, way late. Heavenly--albeit a bit embarrassing! OLD!

(We'll have to go back some night when we're feeling a bit more frolicky--and actually have CASH.)

Saturday Keith had practice and then Mary had a game. Izzy was still sick with a pretty bad cold still from Friday, so I got to stay home with her. (Yay!) We sat and cuddled and watched TV, and the little feverish thing took a wonderful nap. Mary's game got rained out, so John took her and Keith to the mall for "shopping." I read a book and enjoyed the quiet. So peaceful!

Sunday Mary said she'd wake me up to give me breakfast in bed. She didn't. I didn't mind--we all slept in until 9:00! We got up and fixed frozen waffles and then sat around the house all morning reading (me) and playing (kids) and just in general ignoring the chore chart (ALL of us). Keith gave me some sunflower seed sprouts and a book about me (the picture of my Mario Cart car blowing up with a random head lying on the ground was the BEST). Mary gave me a nice poem with tea. Izzy gave me tea and a plaster mold of her foot with a candle stuck in it. I was thrilled to see it was a mold of the foot which has the "weird toe" which doesn't quite line up with the other toes--I LOVE that toe! Mary and Keith then presented the gift they'd picked out (with John's help) at the mall the day before: a Japanese tea set. So perfect!

When the sun actually peeped out, we made a run for the Lilac Festival (where I scored my final giftie for my mystery package to Japan), smelled the lilacs, ate corn dogs (YUM) and enjoyed the live band until the sun went back in and the cold creeped back. A run to the grocery store and two craft stores for last-minute school purchases, and then a dinner of Wendy's (which I did NOT eat as I've had ENOUGH fast food lately, thank you!), and a rush for showers and to bed (late AGAIN).

What a nice weekend.

"Essential"

More layoffs happened this week, and for some reason I'm still here. Apparently, I'm considered "essential to operations." It's nice to feel wanted...sorta. I'm relieved I don't have to pound the payment again right away. But I'm somewhat worried that I'll have to do it in a few weeks anyway.

We did get a snippet of good news around here the other day. If this is played out right, myself and the 40 other scarce people still around stand to be properly rewarded. I mean, think about it, with all these folks gone, if the company actually managed to pull ahead, that means the promotion opportunities are ENDLESS. I could practically PICK my own career here.

I will remain optimistic--tinged with just a sliver of panic. If it doesn't work out, I will start chucking out the resume and put on the interview suit again.

Good times. Good times.

Survival Mode

Baseball and softball and the Scout schedules are even worse than I remembered!

We are in a state of just "being" right now. No regular baths, no regular meals, no regular bedtimes (and we're starting to eek into "no homework done," too!). Sponge baths, the Golden Arches, and Grumpy Gusses are the theme of the season. And I HATE McCrapPlaceToEat!

Thursdays are proving to be the most challenging days as John now has a golf league that starts at four on those days. That leaves me with all three kids at whatever sporting event is taking place that night. I wouldn't necessarily mind if the games weren't lasting until 8:30 at night--which is way, way too late for my little Not-So-Early-Morning Riser (a.k.a. Izzy) to be out. And the other two are starting to Crank it up, too.

The spotless house I had worked so hard to achieve on Sunday was a complete disaster by last night. Clean and dirty laundry is scattered everywhere. The dining room table, no longer used for our fine McQuisine, now has crap stacked on it three feet high. I finally took a few minutes last night to load and run the dishwasher with all the bowls and spoons which are used for the only food partaken in the house: cold cereal.

This morning was actually a GOOD Izzy morning (she got a sticker, yay!), but I was so scattered with the finding of the clean socks and clean baseball uniform for Keith, wardrobe malfunction (When did THAT shirt start looking ugly on me? Where the heck did I put my shoes?), and attempted packing of a lunch (must get some salad greens in me SOMEHOW), that I was late for work anyway.

I'm so glad we don't do this all year.

I need to remember to schedule McCholesterol screenings for us for when this is all over.

Relatedly, Mary had her first softball game last night. She played pretty well. She was the very first on her team at bat, the first to get a hit, and the first to score. She had two hits the three times she was at bat. She made a couple of decent play attempts in the outfield. She looked like she was having fun. Especially when she and two other girls were eating sunflower seeds and having a spitting contest into the trash can. Yeah. That's my girl!

Chores

We had a bunch of stuff on the docket this weekend--and yet.... Well, it was just a weird weekend!

Friday night was Keith's Cub Scout picnic--where I missed half of his moving up ceremony as I was outside trying to explain to the eldest why she had to ALSO watch her brother instead of building a volcano in the sand. *sigh* (I least I finally got to eat a cookie!)

Saturday was opening day. Unlike horrible opening day experiences from the past, the weather cooperated, and we had a beautiful day. I managed to get myself and the kids up and ready in an almost timely manner. (HOWEVER, I did not realize that a 7-year old could have a 15 minute temper tantrum over the popping of a free balloon from the hair cut place. ...Now I know.) So...we arrived at the parade just as it started. John ran Mary back to her softball team (who was in the back) while I waited with Keith and Izzy for Keith's team to walk by. They did--Keith got shoved in line--and we all got to breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy the rest of the parade.

Keith's first game was immediately following the opening ceremony. He played well out in the field, but he didn't get a hit off the pitching machine. That's OK, no one else on his team got a hit, either! Still, it was a nice day to be out enjoying the sun and the game. Until the game was over, and Izzy threw a temper tantrum when we had to pull her off the playground. She screamed, "I WANT TO PLAY!!" all the way to the mini-van. I used to cringe when a kid would do that. But now I notice that I get a lot more looks of sympathy rather than criticism as I drag my wailing child by. Know your audience, people! And...these folks had ALL been there; done that!

The rest of the weekend we spent cleaning the house (me + the kids) and doing yardwork (John). And either because Sunday was a really, really long day or because the new chore chart I put together actually worked, we all got a LOT done. And when I saw it was only 3:00, and almost everything was done, I couldn't believe my luck. I gathered up my purse and my eldest daughter to make a run to the beauty parlor for much-needed pedicures--only to be reminded by John that Mary had practice at 4:00. Ah crap. Mary threw a fit that could teach Keith and Izzy a thing or two. I didn't blame her--it was all my fault, and she had a right to be angry! I calmed her down and offered her a cookie (see--those things work miracles!) and promised her I'd paint her toenails myself later on. And Mary went to her practice and had a good night.

I'm not sure what was in the air to create all these emotional explosions from the kids (and myself when Izzy pulled a dinger of one Saturday night, too). It was such a strange weekend of great and fun things peppered with these little minefields of erratic behavior! Too much fun; too much nice weather; not enough sleep. Perhaps.

Got Flour

And now I have chocolate chip cookies in my house! And the only reason why they are still there is because I am saving them for the Cub Scout picnic on Friday night. Can you believe that? I signed up to bring dessert just to have an excuse to make cookies!

But you should all be proud of me. I only ate TWO. The first one ooey-gooily broke apart as I was putting it on the cooling rack. And you know the rule: all casualties must be eaten IMMEDIATELY! The second cookie was just kind of small and pathetic and well, I can't bring THAT to the Cub Scout picnic, can I? Casualty!

Now to keep myself the kids away from the rest until Friday.

Apparently I am a firm believer in torture. Who knew?

WHY am I in the mood to BAKE?

Seriously. Sunday I was actually at a loss as we were low on flour--a somewhat IMPORTANT ingredient which prevented my baking chocolate chip cookies. Darnit!

It was HOT on Sunday. I was SICK and EXHAUSTED. I am trying to cut out the crappy snacks so that I can lose a pound or two (or five *cough*) and fit into my summer clothes without having to wince when I sit down. What freakin' hormones were blocking the mental pathways to my brain causing THAT irrational desire?

All I can say is that it's a good thing that I WAS so sick and exhausted. So sick and exhausted that I didn't want to bother to slog out the door to get the flour. Or else a whole batch of cookies would have ended up in the oven and down my gullet (sneakingly AFTER the kids had gone to bed).

I did find an interesting-sounding recipe online yesterday that I'm thinking of trying. It's somewhat healthy. And somewhat kid-friendly. And maybe if I train myself to think that these are FOR THE KIDS, I won't eat them ALL during the night. We'll see....

Now, you go out and try them, too!

Beautiful *cough* *sneeze* *cough* Weekend

It was a great weekend with the kids--and it would have been even better if I hadn't caught Keith's cold. Ah well. Colds happen.

Thursday I had to leave work early to take over watching the kids as John had his first golf league night (he came in second--and that was with TWO shots sinking in the river). I took the kids to the grocery store for a snack. We then headed to the park where the kids had the equipment to themselves and just played, and played, and PLAYED. I spent my time walking around the playground trying to keep warm and trying to use POSITIVE ENERGY to ward off the germs that were starting to plague my body.

It was so fun to see the kids having so much fun. They weren't fighting or bickering or spitting at each other or threatening to kill each other with sticks or plastic light sabers. I let them play for as long as I could possibly take it (and longer!). I lived in the moment as much as I possibly could.

Friday John took the kids to see Earth. We'd already seen parts of it on TV. The kids liked it--sorta. But between the animal attacks they'd witnessed in the movie, and the somewhat violent Clone Wars we'd watched that night, both Keith and Mary were up several times in the night. Izzy was being a bit of a pain, too. So I ended up crashed in our bed with Izzy (barely coherent to the other kids' issues as the cold had taken CONTROL at this point) while John and Mary ended up sleeping on the couches in the living room.

Needless to say, none of us felt very perky for an early morning drive to Niagara Falls on Saturday. We dragged our feet (hey! we've got all day) and finally made it out of the house and actually on the road by 11:00 (I was completely in the COLD ZONE by then and had the "I'm going to ENJOY this if it KILLS me" game face on. Ugh.)

We took the kids to the Aquarium first (John: this is LAME. Me: yes, I know, but the kids LOVE it). Then we walked around the American side and just enjoyed the beautiful weather and the perfect day. The kids just had a ball--especially when the wind would pick up and practically blow them down the path! No complaints at all!

(I do wish I hadn't fell into the sick zone so much that morning and had bothered to pack a lunch. $7.00 for a hot dog and fries is just too extreme. I regret it every time I don't pack food.)

We drove back to town that night and went to the mall to the food court where we begged Mary to try different food rather than hamburgers, hotdogs, peanut butter, or a cheese sandwich. She finally tried a veggie wrap--and basically liked it. Even though she didn't want to admit it.

We bought some desperately needed spring/summer clothes for Izzy (trying to find clothes for her to wear in the 80+ degree weather on Saturday was a freakin' joke). And Mary got a couple of not-so-desperately needed clothes. Because she's a girl and can't ignore a sale--just like her mama.

It was unbearably hot in the house when we got back. I blew up the air mattress, the kids got out their sleeping bags, and we crashed in the cool den while watching Spongebob.

(The rabbit kept waking me up while digging at WHAT, I don't KNOW, in his cage. The cold just kept waking me up cuz that's just what colds DO. And finally at 7:00am, I mailed it in and snuggled back into my warm, comfy bed and refused to stir until 8:30. Still. Ugh.)

Sunday we did our usual couple of chores and then Mary had a play date while Keith went to a birthday party. And Izzy got a new pair of shoes!!!! (Yes, she is FOUR exclamation points excited about that!!!!)

Great weekend. Great way to chill out with the kids before the EXTREME of baseball/softball starts taking over (five practices and the first GAME this week!).

Honestly! Who Schedules Baseball Practice During SPRING BREAK?

My son's coach,that's who! Luckily for us, the first two attempts have been canceled due to the nasty, wet, cold weather. But he's still slated to have practice Friday at 6:30 (what?!) and Saturday at 5:00 (are ya KIDDIN' me?).

Ah well. Apparently a lot of parents on the team are in the same boat as us and not going anywhere fancy for spring break either, so no one really complained. I'm complaining (to John) on PRINCIPLE. (Mary's softball coach didn't schedule! It's an unwritten rule! No extra-curricular activities during school breaks! Sheesh!)

Mary is complaining to John and me on principle. She's been whining about not going anywhere on break. Sorry, kid. You were born into the WRONG family if you wanted a real spring break vacation! Not only does Mom not have any vacation time coming for a little while, but the cash-flow isn't quite flowing well enough for a grand tour of Disney or Florida or the Bahamas or even a trip to "boring" INDIANA for crying, out loud! We are the prime definition of STAY-cation right now.

(Poor Keith is supposed to write a journal about what he's doing during Spring Break. It'll take him five minutes to write: 1) went to daycare, 2) caught a cold, 3) played with my Didj. Repeat seven times.)

Feeling bad about the lack of a true vacation, John proposed the idea of going to Niagara Falls over the weekend. Maybe we'll just drive up there, stick to the American side and bring a picnic for the day (and be rebels and skip Saturday's practice! ha HA!). I suggested maybe heading out to the Aquarium since Mary has been there with the Girl Scouts twice and really, really loves it. I dunno. The last time we talked about going to the Falls, Mary complained, "That's all we EVER do! Go to Indiana or Niagara Falls!" *sigh* The teenage years are going to be a BLAST with that one!

Keeping the Peace

I am the one who goes through back flips to keep everyone happy. I am the one who will attempt to see both sides of the story--to give both sides a fair hearing.

I am the one who gets TRODDEN ON by the others.

I often have waspish emails/comments that I start in my head, or actually start to TYPE OUT! But I don't send them. I realize that sometimes folks do or say selfish things because they don't know the FULL STORY. And even when I think/write my diatribe to EXPLAIN things, I realize that perhaps in trying to explain the situation, I'm OVER-explaining it, and perhaps it will leave room for MORE misinterpretations and just general bad feelings. I don't like bad feelings.

So I keep my mouth shut. I don't hit send. I play the argument out in my head. I realize that I can't please all the people all the time.

The anger may simmer for a few hours. But then it's gone. Mostly.

Sometimes I wish I could be that person. That selfish person who throws out exactly what they feel and don't care who they hurt because, "That's the way I feel, and I'm NOT hiding it!" I am envious of their ability to throw their opinions out there and not fear the repercussions. But: I'm not. I don't like those people. Those hurtful, unthinking people. I guess I'll just continue being nice and kind and thoughtful and a TEAM PLAYER for crying out loud!

And continue to get hurt by those tongue lashers.

Ah well. I get over it quickly enough.

Mass Exodus

Between Tuesday and Wednesday of last week a good chunk of the folks I work with got laid off. I'm still trying to figure out why *I'm* still here. But I guess I won't question it too much and just keep plugging away, until the target gets shifted to my back. And in the meantime, I guess I'd better polish up the ol' resume (AGAIN).

Yee haw.

In The Moment--Feeble Attempts

Gah! Who knew it would be so hard?

I've set up baby steps here. I've managed to get up five minutes earlier the last two days. OK, yeah, it's not a lot, but most of you moms out there know that a LOT can get done in five minutes. In fact, this morning, I did find that I had a few minutes to spare before I had to get Izzy out to the car (more on that later), and if it had just been maybe a couple MORE, I maybe could have had breakfast at HOME instead of at my desk between phone calls. Wow!

I'm worried this may not be the best time to attempt to sit down and read MORE to the kids. Baseball/softball season is now in FULL swing. The nights we have practices (And due to scheduling changes, Mary and Keith now both have practice on Thursdays--and usually in different locations!)are NOT the nights to sit down and read an extra book. It's going to have to be rush, rush, rush on those nights. I'll just have to make up for it on the nights we're not busy--which is now Wednesdays!

Izzy. She's a enigma all on her own. She's still very willful and stubborn and CONTRARY. We've been through this with kid 1 and kid 2--we just don't have the energy to put up with it with kid 3. "I'm hungry." "I don't like that." "I'm hungry." "I don't want to eat that." "But I'm hungry." AAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

The power struggles! Oh! The power struggles! She's wants it her way ALL THE TIME. I am so confused about what things to LET GO and what things to PUT DOWN MY FOOT about.

I want to let things go more. But time constraints (even if I were to get up a whole HOUR earlier) limit me and my best intentions. It honestly doesn't matter how much earlier I wake up or wake HER up--if she's in one of her power struggle moods, it's going to be a fight to get her dressed. And in the evenings, if I fix something she's decided she doesn't like (despite LOVING it just a few days ago), there is going to be a fight. I don't have the money, energy, or time to be a short order cook. And when we need to get ready for bed, there is only so much time I'm willing to fight with the putting-on-the-pajamas struggle (It's the morning in reverse!) and still have the time and serenity to read her that extra book!

This morning after FINALLY getting dressed, she actually ate her cereal in a timely manner. I was so excited! Yes! We're making excellent time! (see above) Oh wait--nope. She hasn't put on her shoes/jacket yet. Ah yes. ANOTHER power struggle. Another distraction in the form of Mary bringing out the bunny Brownie. Another frantic Mom barking at her daughter to PLEASE, get your shoes on, PLEASE get out to the car! in every voice range from the begging to the demanding.

I don't have the patience to deal with her power struggle choice of the moment.

So! This is what I've got to deal with. This is what I need to work on! And TRY to find the fine line between letting her get her way--and letting her know that things HAVE to go my way when she's pushing too far.

It's no wonder I turn all cranky and impatient. It's confusing and frustrating and.... Well, I'll keep taking my baby steps. And keep trying. And see how I do (in the mornings, anyway) when I get up TEN minutes earlier!

In the Moment

Most of my life now seems rush, rush, rush. Rush poor Izzy out the door to daycare (while rushing the other two to finish their breakfast and pack their lunches). Rush to work. (...Well, THEN there is the SLOW DRAG at work, but....) THEN rush home to get Izzy from daycare, rush to fix dinner, and then rush the kids into bed. And I just don't get to fully relax until the three kids are in bed. And then I stop and realize that I've become one of THOSE mothers. The ones who basically PUT OFF their life until the wonder of bedtime. I've spent so much time rushing the day (except for that long-ass work day), that I'm completely blocking my LIFE.

I do not want to live my own life--and especially not my kids' lives--in a complete rushing blur.

So! No more selfish (albeit exhausted) Mom. Instead of saying, "I just don't have time to read to you tonight" because I want to crawl into my own bed and read to MYSELF, I'm going to take that five minutes to read yes, ANOTHER Biscuit book. Instead of putting them off while I'm on my weekly phone call to my mother, I'll keep an eye on the clock and actually PLAY with them when I get off. And instead of being ANNOYED every time they don't do stuff in a timely manner, I'll try harder to 1) get up earlier and 2) focus more on their FUN, QUIRKY personalities instead of barking at them to HURRY UP.

Cuz I don't need to spend my life constantly bullying my kids out the door. I need to spend more time finding my moments of zen--and enjoying them.